Sexuality and MINDFULNESS...a mixed bag?

The topic of sexuality is no new subject, however when you add "mindfulness" into the mix what do you get? Some people may not know the answer to this question because they are not sure that being mindful can go together with sex. However, I can tell you that being mindful can both enhance and increase the drive to get physical.

Mindfulness, as stated in my recent blogs is about 1) Being aware of your self, your body, and your "being" as it relates to the here and now. Why is this important? Mainly so you can have a more present experience. When you are sexual, a lot is happening all at once. It can seem so hard for some to take things slowly in the midst of something hot and heavy; but studies have revealed that taking it slowly can lead to greater arousal time, and increased libido giving you more lasting power.

So, one might ask, how do I do this? First, you should be familiar with how to get yourself mindful and find someone else that is too; however if that is not available, you can practice with your lover in these ways.

1) Touch your face and/or your partners face. Feel their skin, its sensations, and feel into your own self how that connection feels for you. Relate that experience to your own sense of vulnerability while having them tell you or show you how it is affecting them. This connection allows for mutual touch and in a mindful way.
2) Let them touch you over your clothes to start. This can be very erotic, but even if it gets hot, slow down and breathe. you want it to last. you might giggle, you might grin, you might even feel uncomfortable in the slowness of the sensations you feel. That is all okay. the point is to go slowly, and be mindful. Let the sensations and the talk about what is happening on a somatic level for each individual take you into a deeper place of being. Realize you still have your clothes on and so much has happened already.

3) Sigh. When you take in a feeling of pleasure, let it be known. Inhale and exhale with voice. Give your sensual and sexual experience a louder voice. Allow it to roll out of your mouth into the air, and be mindful of all that happens afterward. Check in with your partner and ask them how they are feeling. Again, this is all about connection and not yet about sexual gratification. We are elongating this process.